UPDATE October 2009 
Neutral
Fear
I try to always be polite to everyone no matter the acceent. I say Please, Thank You, yes Mame, No Sir. I always wave when someone lets me in the traffic and I do have a bit of a twang to my words. That's the way I was raised. I ' ve never been malicous and I have been always making people smile and want to get to know me.
I generally get along with evryone gets into mylife, but sometimes I do get involved into fights over nothing. How many times you found yourself sinking into a bickering habit with your wife/husband, boyfriend/girlfriend, identify the triggers that precede these episodes? There are several common patterns in couples' arguments, and most are just habits or unconscious behaviors.
Any number of things can precipitate an unwanted argument: a linguistic habit, resentment, or an emotional state such as boredom, work pressure, tiredness, depression. Phrasing can create misunderstandings, such as using the words, "you," instead of "I would like." For example, the words "You didn't call me to go out ," convey an indictment. But the words "I'd love if you could call me to go out for a walk & to eat something, please," convey a desire.
The way we talk sometimes tricks us into believing that communication is a game of ping-pong with words—I talk, you talk, and we each wait our turn. What often happens: You say something, and perhaps she/he reads it as criticism. Then, her/his response seems unusually harsh. So what do you do? You respond to her/his harshness and off you go! You're "arguing." And the original thoughts are buried and perhaps never addressed.
Be aware that anyone can misunderstand you or assume that you're criticizing—even someone you live with. I call this, "bypassing." When you bypass, you may be assuming criticism even when none is intended.
Manytimes I get myself into troubles when I am impatient with my hubby, and build in an implicit expectation that he understands me immediately. Thus, I risk a misunderstanding of what is said, and then, a response that causes further misunderstanding.
Another common source of friction is misreading the "tonal environment." That is: The words and behaviors "called for" in a certain situation. If I ever express my desire to go out by telling him ' let's go out to eat tonight' , perhaps for my partnaire , an evening out for dinner might entail stuffing my face, wear my new pair of shoes with a sexy red dress and finally go out to show off. But it might be a romantic opportunity for me to show him my feelings. These are different environments for us both. Be aware of what circumstances trigger your arguments—this may help you understand why you bicker. A romantic opportunity can be dashed, as can playtime.
Understand the tonal environment, and try to align each person's perceptions, so that you are really together and experiencing the circumstance in a mutually satisfying manner.
You can discuss the tonal environment, and be flexible about where you are, and what you both expect. When you find the appropriate behavior, you're less likely to build resentment and the hurt that comes with dashed expectations.
Be sensitive to the tonal environment, watch out for bypassing, and keep a record of expectations during an argument. You may even find your way back to more mutual understanding.
Bless You All !
xxxx Lil xxxx
MY ENCHANTED GROUPS
Doubtful
